TV Shows You May Have Been Planning to Watch Tuesday, None of Which Will Be as Exciting as My Gig

• Extreme Cat Makeover
• The Fat Old Don Johnson Show
• CSI: Emeryville
• Everybody Hates Geena Davis
• Beautiful Young New Yorkers in Impossibly Large Apartments
• ¡Martes Gigánte!
• Law & Order: Special Senate Majority Leaders Unit
• The World Series, Which Once Again Your Team is Not In
• Iron Chef: Battle Velveeta
• The World Series of Extreme Don Johnson Makeovers

... and you can Tivo that stuff anyway.---WHAT: The Ian Carey Quintet, featuring:Ian Carey, trumpetJon Arkin, drumsFred Randolph, bassEvan Francis, saxophoneAdam Shulman, pianoWHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery St., S.F.WHEN: Tuesday, October 25, 5:30-8:30 p.m.*NOW WITH CLAPPING!*

Sitting at work, suddenly the phone rings--it's my old friend Jemilla, calling from New York. "Can you get WKCR on your computer there? They're playing this new recording they found of Monk and Coltrane." Sure enough, in a few clicks, I'm there, wondering how I managed to avoid hearing about this until now.

And GOD DAMN.

As soon as I can buy this, it'll be Subway Tape material for months to come. Interestingly enough it was co-discovered by Lewis Porter, my old jazz history professor, sometime employer, and a nice guy, who also had a hand in finding some of the outtakes for the Atlantic Coltrane box, although they put the alternate take of "Blues to Elvin" on there a half-step too slow. (He'd disagree, of course.)

[UPDATE, 5/9/06: Dr. Porter recently contacted me to voice a concern that what I wrote above ("He'd disagree, of course") implied that he and I had discussed my theory (that one of the two takes has a tape-speed problem) and he had rejected it. To clarify, we never discussed it, and I shouldn't have presumed to know what his response to my thoughts about it would be. Sorry for the confusion.]

[UPDATE 2, 5/15/06: Dr. Porter looked into my theory, and his research team presented some pretty convincing evidence (alternate takes and studio chatter) which now leads me to believe that the original release was correct, and Coltrane really did record the takes in two different keys. So that's that!]

In other news, the recording (my recording, I mean) is officially done and mixed. As soon as I decide how to handle the packaging, it will be available right here for sampling and--perish the thought--purchasing? Stay tuned.

NOTE: Our regular gig announcement-writer here at Ian Carey Quintet headquarters is on vacation, so we've decided to compile this week's version out of snippets gleaned from previously sent announcements. Enjoy, and see you at the show!I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of one little jazz quintet don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Lucky for you, The Ian Carey Quintet was more effective than placebo in the acute treatment of migraine headaches with or without aura in 2 double-blind, placebo-controlled trials. Also we said it was OK to bring their twin 120-lb. Rottweillers, Hercules and Samson.Going to be guest-hosting Lithuanian Mineral Fertilizer Weekly (2:40-3:00 a.m., Channel 843) and need to work on your witty banter? Come on down to the rootin'est, tootin'est hayride West a' Market Street—admission is FREE for residents of California, Connecticut, Delaware, the District of Columbia, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington, and Wisconsin.I freaking dare you to say "Yoshi's."You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish, and actually you can't tune the piano at the House of Shields either because it’s in the shop. I and the other members of the Royal Garfunkel family are presently in Belgium seeking asylum and WAFFLES. Speaking of "paying" and "ass," I've got a gig Tuesday night that is guaranteed to leave you feeling as reinvigorated as George Steinbrenner's ulcer.With Bay Area rents on the way down, you're much better off finding a comfortable doorway to sleep in for a few months while the market bottoms out.This week we will be playing only music written by gay or transgendered dwarfs of Slavic descent in solidarity with their cause. Dog owed money by Antichrist Musab al-Monkeypox and never liked unfiltered grasshoppers nor jazz neither? I don't give a [animal]'s [part of the body] whether you have tickets to the [name of sport] game, or a date with [female celebrity] (and her [adjective] [part of the body]—hubba hubba!)... This hoser's gonna play the trumpet, eh! And his pedal was too sticky to thump it.You must be Jamaican, 'cause Jamaican me crazy and Jamaicans drink free at my gig Tuesday night. Harm away and leavest big tips, forsooth.----WHAT: The Ian Carey QuintetWHO: Ian Carey, trumpetAdam Shulman, pianoFred Randolph, bassJon Arkin, drumsEvan Francis, saxophoneWHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery St. (betw.Market & Mission)WHEN: Tuesday, Sept. 27, 5:30-8:30 p.m.HOW MUCH: Free

IF SHAKESPEARE WERE MY PUBLICIST"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. If you'd likest to have some swingin' jazz greatness thrust upon you, comest thou on down to the House of Shields next Tuesday eventide.""Not Mars his sword nor war's quick fire shall burn the living record of your memory, but a couple of Cosmos at the House of Shields might.""We, ignorant of ourselves, beg often our own harms, which the wise powers deny us for our good, but that sure as hell never happens at the House of Shields. Harm away and leavest big tips, forsooth.""Have more than though showest; speak less than thou knowest; lend less than thou owest; Fred Randolph more than thou bassist.""Age cannot whither pianist Adam Shulman and drummer Jon Arkin, nor custom stale their infinite variety, and I'm not just saying that because they promised to hook me up with some lovely ladies.""The silence often, of pure innocence persuades, when speaking fails, unless special guest Joe Cohen wailest on his wicked saxophone. Verily." (Thou believest I did phone that one in, and mayest be right.)"The end crowns all, and that old common arbitrator, time, will one day end it, in this case at 8:30 p.m.""To thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou can'st not then flake out on Ian's awesome gig.""If music be the food of love, play on! Now whither my 15 percent, bizotch?"WHAT: The Ian Carey QuintetWHO: Ian Carey, trumpet, with:Adam Shulman, pianoFred Randolph, bassJon Arkin, drums,... and special guest Joe Cohen (of Cannonball), saxophoneWHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery St. (betw.Market & Mission)WHEN: Tuesday, Sept. 13, 5:30-8:30 p.m.HOW MUCH: To pay, or not to pay: that is the... it's free.

Well, the Quintet finally got into the studio, and I think the session went really well. We were able to record nine tunes, which I think would've been impossible if we hadn't been playing together for over a year. Here's just a (rough-mixed) sample--I'll most likely be making the entire CD available online once it's been mixed and mastered.

• Sink/Swim [excerpt] (Ian Carey) Soloist: Ian, flugelhorn. With Adam Shulman, piano, Evan Francis, alto saxophone, Jon Arkin, drums, and Fred Randolph, bass. Recorded by Dan Feiszli.

I'm still working out the kinks of posting music clips, but eventually I'll be offering more gig highlights as an ongoing feature.

For starters, here's an excerpt (apologies to Arun and Adam, whose excellent solos were pruned) of me and Joe Cohen doing some trading, from a Quintet (+1) performance of a month ago at the House of Shields:

• Au Privave (Charlie Parker) Soloists: Ian, trumpet, and Joe Cohen, tenor saxophone. With Arun Luthra, alto, Adam Shulman, piano, Kurt Kotheimer, bass, and Jon Arkin, drums.

Enjoy!