Twelve Exclamations Likely to Be Heard at My Gig Tuesday

• "Yowzah!"
• "Shazam!"
• "Boo-yah!"
• "Boo!" (no 'yah')
• "BART sucks almost as much as you guys are awesome!"
• "Thelonious Monk on a cracker!"
• "Great Googly-Jazzlies!"
• "Holy Missing Saxophonist!" [Update: "Holy Special Guest Saxophonist!"--See below.]
• "Woo-hoo!--and, kind sirs, I differentiate this woo-hoo, which expresses admiration and enjoyment, from the woo-hoo of drunken partygoers on fake cable-car buses, which expresses only the need to fit in with the other people shouting 'Woo-hoo.'"
• "Turn that crap down so I can hear what my drunk friend is shouting! Oh, never mind, it was just 'Woo-hoo!'"
• "Play Puttin' on the Ritz!"
• "I just gave the band a big tip, and you know what? I feel great!"

WHAT: The Ian Carey QuintetWHO: Ian Carey, trumpet;Adam Shulman, piano;Jon Arkin, drums;Fred Randolph, bass; and, from NYC,Special Guest Dayna Stephens, saxophone.WHEN: Tuesday, January 10, 5:30-8:30 p.m.WHERE: The House of Shields, 39 Montgomery St., S.F.HOW MUCH: Less than it takes to put shoes on this starving child.ALSO: My friend and former bandmate Dan Shuman, an excellent Brooklyn-based singer/songwriter, is playing the following night (Weds. 1/11) at The Brainwash (1122 Folsom Street, SF) at 7:30 pm. Be sure to go if you enjoy good music and your brain is in need of a washing.

Throw another Kenny G album on the fire and cozy up for some Holiday week jazz at the House of Shields, conveniently located in downtown San Francisco near many stores where you may return all your disappointing gifts!

WHAT: The Ian Carey... Trio!

WHO: Ian Carey, trumpet
Jon Arkin, drums
Lorenzo Farrell, bass

WHEN: Tuesday, December 27, 5:30-8:30 p.m.

WHERE: The House of Shields, 39 Montgomery St., S.F.

HOW MUCH: Priceless.

On a side note: WKCR, my old favorite radio station from my New York days, has begun its annual ten-day Bach Festival, reminding everyone what a badass he really was. So tune in on your Walkman during your six-hour walk from Brooklyn to Manhattan, or for those of us living out here in The Rest of the Country, listen on the web at WKCR.org. (And if you like what they're doing, send them some money--they're perennially on the verge of financial annihilation.)

Come on down to the House of Shields and warm your frozen keister to the sounds of the Ian Carey Quintet! The evening is guaranteed to be 110% holiday-music-free.

WHAT: The Ian Carey Quintet

WHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery St., San Francisco

WHEN: Tuesday, December 13, 5:30-8:30pm

WHO: Ian Carey, trumpet, with:
Adam Shulman, Fender Rhodes
Jon Arkin, drums
Evan Francis, saxophone
Dan Feiszli, bass

HOW MUCH: Free

My Gig Announcement, as Performed by the 80s Adult/Contemporary Sensation TOTOI hear Jon Arkin's drums echoing tonightBut you hear only whispers of some drunken bike messengers' conversationsYou're coming in twelve-thirty flightSo you have time to catch the BART that guides you towards libationsI stopped an old man along the BayHoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient jazz melodiesHe turned to me as if to say: "Hurry boy, beer's waiting there for you"[Chorus:]It's gonna take a lot to drag me out to hear youThere's nothing that a hundred e-mails or more could ever doI bless the drains down on New Montgomery St.Gonna take some time to count the tips we never hadThe wild Evan Francis cries out in the nightAs he grows restless longing for some solitary saxophonyI know that he must do what's rightSure as the House of Shields rises like Olympus above the San Fran-ciskiI seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this trumpet player I've become[Repeat Chorus]All you wanna do when you wake up in the morning is see my gigAdam Shulman, Adam ShulmanI never thought that a pianist like you could ever play for me, Adam ShulmanAll I wanna do in the middle of the evening is trip over your bassFred Randolph, Fred RandolphI didn't know you were looking for more tips than I could ever giveNot quite a year since it went away, the Ian Carey QuintetNow they're gone and I have to say…. Da Da, Da Da, Da Daaaaa[Chorus:]Meet you at the gig, the Ian Carey QuintetMeet you at the gig, the Ian Carey Quintet[Repeat Chorus, fade out]---WHAT: The Ian Carey QuintetWHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery St., San FranciscoWHEN: Tuesday, November 22, 5:30-8:30pmWHO: Ian Carey, trumpet, with:Adam Shulman, Fender RhodesJon Arkin, drumsEvan Francis, saxophoneFred Randolph, bassHOW MUCH: Free

TV Shows You May Have Been Planning to Watch Tuesday, None of Which Will Be as Exciting as My Gig

• Extreme Cat Makeover
• The Fat Old Don Johnson Show
• CSI: Emeryville
• Everybody Hates Geena Davis
• Beautiful Young New Yorkers in Impossibly Large Apartments
• ¡Martes Gigánte!
• Law & Order: Special Senate Majority Leaders Unit
• The World Series, Which Once Again Your Team is Not In
• Iron Chef: Battle Velveeta
• The World Series of Extreme Don Johnson Makeovers

... and you can Tivo that stuff anyway.---WHAT: The Ian Carey Quintet, featuring:Ian Carey, trumpetJon Arkin, drumsFred Randolph, bassEvan Francis, saxophoneAdam Shulman, pianoWHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery St., S.F.WHEN: Tuesday, October 25, 5:30-8:30 p.m.*NOW WITH CLAPPING!*

Sitting at work, suddenly the phone rings--it's my old friend Jemilla, calling from New York. "Can you get WKCR on your computer there? They're playing this new recording they found of Monk and Coltrane." Sure enough, in a few clicks, I'm there, wondering how I managed to avoid hearing about this until now.

And GOD DAMN.

As soon as I can buy this, it'll be Subway Tape material for months to come. Interestingly enough it was co-discovered by Lewis Porter, my old jazz history professor, sometime employer, and a nice guy, who also had a hand in finding some of the outtakes for the Atlantic Coltrane box, although they put the alternate take of "Blues to Elvin" on there a half-step too slow. (He'd disagree, of course.)

[UPDATE, 5/9/06: Dr. Porter recently contacted me to voice a concern that what I wrote above ("He'd disagree, of course") implied that he and I had discussed my theory (that one of the two takes has a tape-speed problem) and he had rejected it. To clarify, we never discussed it, and I shouldn't have presumed to know what his response to my thoughts about it would be. Sorry for the confusion.]

[UPDATE 2, 5/15/06: Dr. Porter looked into my theory, and his research team presented some pretty convincing evidence (alternate takes and studio chatter) which now leads me to believe that the original release was correct, and Coltrane really did record the takes in two different keys. So that's that!]

In other news, the recording (my recording, I mean) is officially done and mixed. As soon as I decide how to handle the packaging, it will be available right here for sampling and--perish the thought--purchasing? Stay tuned.