Dear Honoured Sir/Madam,
My name is IAN GARFUNKEL, the son of the late Generalissimo Art Garfunkel, Ex-Military Leader of State of Ivory Coast, recently ousted in a coup d’état along with Interior Minister The Guy Who Replaced Steve Perry. I understand you to be a trustworthy partner and am contacting you because of my need to invite you and other honourable persons to my JAZZ GIG TOMORROW, TUESDAY.
It is in view of this that I seek your co-operation and assistance in the attendance of said PERFORMANCE during the hours of 5:30-8:30 P.M., at the completion of which I am not authorized by THE HOUSE OF SHIELDS, located at 39 NEW MONTGOMERY AND MISSION STREETS, to deliver to you the imaginary sum of Eight Million Monopoly Dollars only, being the very last of my family fund. After the capture of my beloved father and Mr. Replacement Steve Perry the Federal Government seized all our properties and our accounts both local and international were frozen like so many Gorton’s Fish Sticks which by the way are delicious.
My only hope now is that PIANIST ADAM SHULMAN has carefully packaged these documents and deposited as artifacts with a Security/Finance Company in the Netherlands for the perusal of BASSIST FRED RANDOLPH, so that the said imaginary sum can easily be withdrawn or paid to a recommended beneficiary such as DRUMMER JON ARKIN or SAXOPHONIST EVAN FRANCIS, and the security company based on my instructions will release the WICKED AWESOME JAZZ MUSIC to you, as my partner in the area of viable and profitable business such as No Cover Jazz Gigs.
To show my preparedness to carry out this imaginary business with you, NO COVER CHARGE and 0% commission of the fake proceeds realized from the bogus investment of this totally made-up fund will also be yours, 0% is to be set aside for any eventual cost that might arise as the fictitious transaction proceeds.
I and the other members of the Royal Garfunkel family are presently in Belgium seeking asylum and WAFFLES. I would sincerely want you to reach me through the E-mail at SonOfAGarfunkel@scams.com, if you are sincere in your interest to assist me sincerely. I sincerely will appreciate your sincere response.
IAN’S WICKED AWESOME 419 SCAM QUINTET
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 8
THE HOUSE OF SHIELDS, 39 NEW MONTGOMERY (@ MISSION), SF
P.S. Please send fish sticks.