Links: Another Thing I Do Instead of Practicing

Date: 2012.11.09 | Category: Thoughts | Tags: funny,Links

Some of you may know that in addition to playing the trumpet, writing music, doing unnecessarily complicated illustrations for my CD, battling raccoons in my garden, and catching up on Japanese soap operas, I also sometimes waste time writing short internet humor pieces which may or may not provide minor amusement (and definitely do not provide even minor financial rewards).

Today I’ve got a new one up at McSweeney’s (everyone’s favorite way to spend 11 minutes procrastinating on the internet) called “I WILL Kick You Out of Bed for Eating Crackers“:

Listen, Kate Upton, we’ve been together for a while now, and while you are undeniably extremely attractive, and I would love to spend countless nights gazing longingly at your barely clothed figure here in our softly lit boudoir, the fact is I am going to have to go against my every instinct and kick you out of this warm, inviting bed.

Yes, because of the crackers.

You can read the rest here.

And in case you’re looking for more ways to make it to the weekend while doing as little work as possible, here are some other bits of mine they’ve previously kindly published:

• Dan Savage’s Wild Kingdom
• Horror Movies for Kids
• Favorite Gerund Movie Titles, Un-gerunded
• Alternatives to “Opening a Can of Whupass” for the Less Confrontationally Inclined
• Failed One-Liners from My Audition for Host of  “Australia’s Funniest Home Videos” (with Gladstone)