Announcements: Quartet, 4/13/04

CACOPHONOUS COMBO ON HAPPY HOUR HOT SEAT
Will House of Shields Become House of Horrors for Jazz Fall Guys?

AP WIRE, San Francisco--The Ian Carey Quartet will be testifying before the House (of Shields) Happy Hour Committee this Tuesday, April 13. The quartet is expected to respond to fierce inquiries by the committee, which consists of a fluctuating aggregation of listeners, non-listeners, aficionados, coworkers, groupies, loud talkers, playa-haters, love-drunks, off-duty clergymen, "ladies" of the evening, professional sports mascots, friends, Romans, countrymen, mob informants, jokers, tokers, midnight non-smokers and Gray Davis.

Among the expected areas of questioning:

• What did the Quartet know about the "situation" in the men's room, and when?
• Are we supposed to clap after solos, or only at the end?
• Why should we listen to you?
• Can you play "Summertime", or do you only do that modern crap?
• What exactly did you mean when you said you "once gave that Winston Marcellus guy a wedgie he'll never forget"?

...and, perhaps most importantly:

• Is it possible to tip too much?

Although arrangements are being made to broadcast live coverage of the hearings on C-SPAN 4 or the Cambodian Nude Golf channel, public attendance is strongly encouraged. According to Mr. Carey, "We believe that it is only through an open and responsive dialogue that these issues of great import can be—oh, here's my cab. Later!"

WHAT: The Ian Carey Quartet

WHEN: Tuesday, April 13, 5:30-8:30 p.m.

WHERE: The House of Shields, 39 New Montgomery (betw. Market & Mission), San Fran-freaking-cisco

HOW MUCH: Bupkes.